I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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