Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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