I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
