Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
