I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
