Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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