He asked to "fluff my boner.."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
