she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
