My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I cockslap morals
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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