Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
