Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
