does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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