I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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