i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
