He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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