I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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