They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
