i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
