I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't just leave with hair like that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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