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I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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