Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
