YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
