this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Send help, water and tortillas.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
