We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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Is Oprah even human
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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