so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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