that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
