NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
