I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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