i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
