They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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