Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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