You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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