question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we're making bets on your personal life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
