So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just pee around me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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