WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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