That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
