Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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