so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
