Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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