my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
