I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
