It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Randomize
