Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
