i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
