I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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