Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
