We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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