Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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