Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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