You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
