I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
