I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
