I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
