Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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