Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
