my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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