my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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