Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
