I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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