Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
